Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize