Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
MIDGETS
????
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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