so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
