I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
