what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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