Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
