summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
