i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
