You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
