When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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