absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What drink are we having for lunch?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Couch. On fire.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize