My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
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Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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