god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Randomize
