she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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