Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
