You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
