piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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