Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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