I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I've blown a few things in my day
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
