You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
