apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
