we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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