you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
