He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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