when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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