Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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