you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
