why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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