I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
