We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
