Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
