i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
