The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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