Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
