$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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