I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
