How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
