Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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