it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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