when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
