Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
