Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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