roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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