His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
