I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
