At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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