My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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