they need to just BURY HIM!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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