Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
