covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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