My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
