i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
