whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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