He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
