never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
