so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
