What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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