And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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