Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
