um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
