You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
