i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
