My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
