They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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