My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
