explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
