Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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