i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
