Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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