I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
