I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
