we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
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thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
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If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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