my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
