why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
