Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
