I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
