I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Come on in and take your pants off
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