I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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