I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
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she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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