I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
