wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
