Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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