either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
