like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
