I need help removing her.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
