Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
