Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You are a genius and a whore.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
