I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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