i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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